Heavy Heart~

From work problems, to family problems, to friendship problems, to relationship problems, to health problems. This whole week was a long and dreadful one. Besides the fact that 1 guy has just officially went AWOL from my branch, under my care, i get the impression that what i have been doing is not appreciated. From the start, trying my best to learn as fast as possible things to do with HR, being thrown into it suddenly without any prerequisites whatsoever. And getting my ass hammered from everywhere, anywhere. There just isn't any motivation for me to carry on working as hard as i used to. The previous motivation was "trying to make a difference." Trying not to let S1 branch be a let down to the bn, as it was previously. Trying to raise the standards, trying to get things sorted out.Try....is the key word. Motivation does wonders to a person. Right now, im just waiting for my S1 to come back and resume responsibility, responsibility that a captain should shoulder, not a 2LT. Finally, after these 3 months of hectic schedules and work loads, i can take a breather. Or at least i hope....

In da house, tempers flare easily as everyone is putting their best effort to sort issues out for the new house. Family members are getting agitated more easily. Me also being one of the culprit. Not only at home, but with friends and colleagues as well. My mum and dad are putting in their effort to make sure that everything's "ship ship" in da house. With contractors making mistakes, aircon pple telling her no stock of aircon, dad getting on her nerves by asking her why this why that, no wonder voices get raised. Hai....i don't like arguments. I like peace. I shun away from loud voices, cower back to my cave.....

The friend to share all of my troubles, all my sorrows, all of my happiness, all of my joy. and all of his/hers. Recently, i have been meeting the same few friends unconciously. Whether in camp or outside, we have been meeting on a regular basis. Even when there is no time. We'll still make time to meet each other. To tok kok. Hongyuan and Seng are the two friends i have caught up the most since we parted during our OCS days. Dunno why, just feel very comfortable talking to them, sharing my tots, discuss issues. Seng, is one big guy with a heart of gold. Honestly, i haven't met anyone like Seng. He is definitely on of a kind. Today saw him pat a Wrnt Officer on the back..Rather surprised...Hongyuan, on the other hand, is a soft spoken, blur, Wols guy. FUn to make fun of him, and gd company as well.....

I don't noe how to define relationship problems. But is not having a relationship a relationship problem? Technically no. But...i think it is a problem because its just not right... I feel that there's a vaccuum waiting to be filled up in my life. This empty space, is causing disequilibrium in the rest of my life. You noe, like a piece of a puzzle waiting to be put into place. It just doesn't feel normal....

This week, the worst of my sore throat, block nose, flu has hit me. Feel super sianz the whole week. Makes waking up in the morning feels like a drag. Feel super cold in the air con. Muscle aches....not being able to think properly...blah blah blah....Need to see a doc soon...Haiz...

FOP today was just simpy wonderful. I went there expecting a great worship by hillsong and delirious, and listening to a great sermon. i got that, and more. When hillsongs sang the first song, i started to tear uncontrollably. I could sense God's almighty presence in me. i teared and teared for the next two songs. During this period, i just praised god with all heart and soul. God has lifted my heavy heart and took my worries and issues away. I came out of FOP feeling 101%. This is my mini testimonial of God's greatness and what he has done for me in my life.